6 Steps to Curb the Frustration of Learning

A few weeks ago, I decided I needed to make a greater impact in the world around me. Because working in corporate had become increasingly unfulfilling, I felt called to the plunge and spread my wings to follow my passion of being a coach. That would enable me to have a positive influence on a wider audience than the wonderful people I was working with day in day out and to get to know myself even better. Over the years, I’ve often thought and talked about getting off the “hamster wheel”. I didn't really know how to do it, but most importantly what I really wanted to do in its place. That all changed when I started getting involved in the Personal Development community. Little by little, a vision started forming in my head and in November 2016, that vision became clear. I finally knew that my purpose was to empower women to continually grow and become all they were meant to be!

Now, as I start delving into my new career, I am realizing that I have a lot to learn. Not so much in terms of the coaching itself. I have a program which I know works and is transformational for any client who commits and puts in the work. What I need to deepen my understanding and practice in is more of the business aspect of starting a new business: learning, marketing, selling, using my voice and so many other things which are way out of my comfort zone, way out of my depth. Everything I am looking into, every step I take is to research, learn, try, do something I have not really done on a consistent basis or have had to do ever before. 

For the first time in a long time, I have no idea what I’m doing and it scares the heck out of me! I’m also exceedingly frustrated. I spend a lot of time researching. Everything take 10 times as long because I’m learning along the way. But, I have to do it, so I am using the strategies below to cope with frustration, when it comes knocking.

I take a (few) deep breaths
It’s amazing what a few deep breaths will do. Focusing on your breathing is a mini meditation. Breathing allows you to get perspective. Things don't seem so daunting after a few deep breaths. I take 5-10 breaths inhaling on the count of 4 through the nose and exhaling on the count of 6 through the mouth. I imagine freshness coming in and frustration going out. Doing that has been life saver because it allows me to accept and deal with the fact that I am frustrated without living there. Breathing calms me, gets my cortisol levels down and brings me a sense of calm. 

I am patient and show myself some grace
Accept that this is new and will take some time getting used to. Patience has never been my  strong suit. But I am trying to equate what I am doing right now with a baby learning to walk. What do we do? We encourage them! We tell them they're doing a good job! We applaud that they took one step even if they fall on their behind with the next. As we age, we like to be efficient and work effectively. Some things I have been learning over years and years of practice. I am like a well-oiled machine. I do those by rote. I don't even have to think about it! But learning new skills and delving into activities I have not had to do before can throw me off-track and requires me to show up, be in the moment and be patient. I may not be able to conquer it all immediately and that is frustrating! But as I go through our frustration, I am also learning. When I do things over and over again, they slowly come more easily and my learning and knowledge muscle gets stronger.

I learn the skills I need
When we go into a new job or start a new endeavor, we learn new things. Learning keeps us humble, honest and growing. It also keep us flexible and open to new experiences because the more we try new things, the more fears or challenges we conquer, the more confident we grow. I always aim to have a learning goal for myself through the year. My learning goal this year...? To start speaking German!

Having to dive into areas of unfamiliarity, I made a list of the things I needed to learn and started following people online who had the skills I needed to master. And I keep adding to it. I am flexing muscles I haven't used before. I am practicing getting over the fear of speaking from the heart and how people will judge and perceive what I have to say. I know some things will come easier than other and that’s OK. To continue to grow, I need to develop new skills and let's face it; it's uncomfortable. Not being able to get things done as quickly as normal is a new sensation. But by sticking with it, I can only get better.

I look for progress, not perfection
If you are anything like me, the thought of not being perfect is unthinkable! ;) I get so hung up on perfection. Perfection means I can hide. I can say "Well.... I can't post that video because it's not perfect yet. I can't speak up because I don't know everything there is to know". That's bollocks! I have come to accept that what I need to focus on now is progress, not perfection. Focusing on progress allows me to see how far I've come, rather than how much more I have to go. When I look back on how much German I've learned in the last few weeks, I can see that I'm making progress, but I don't expect to speak it fluently in such a short time. That's the difference; progress vs. perfection.

I ask for help
I also have to remember that I don’t have to do this alone. There are so many resources out there. Friends, family, mentors, coaches, websites, articles, free resources, etc.... You name it! If you look a little bit, you can find all of the help you can get. But first, you have to be willing to let your guard down a little, show a little dink in your armor and say "hey... I don't know how to do this. Can you help me?" I think these are the second most difficult words someone can utter because it means being vulnerable. It means being humble and admitting we don't know it all. Who does, though?!? I remind myself constantly that I know some things other people don't and they know things I don't. There is nothing wrong with that! I also know that I love to learn from other people, partly because it helps to create a connection and also because a lot of people find meaning in helping others. How do YOU feel when someone asks for your help and you can deliver? Personally, I feel like SuperWoman! I love being able to help others get unstuck, to answer questions or to generally help them when they need it and ask for it. So, swallow your pride and raise your hand and give people the opportunity to support you. Most will go out of their way to help.

If all else fails, I take a break
Sometimes, the best thing I found is to take a break. Get my mind thinking about other things. Focus on something I can do or enjoy doing. I pick up a book, watch a show, go for a walk. Anything. Anything that will get me out of my head and back on track. A change of scenery is oftentimes a great way to reset. It allows us to focus on something else and re-opens the channels of creativity. When we're stuck on a problem and we feel that frustration mounting, we are less likely to find a solution. I'm not saying I walk away and never think about it again. I'm saying I take a break. Refresh myself. Think about something else because I never know where inspiration or the key to the problem will come from!