5 Ways to Be More Patient

Have you ever had a day when things just can’t seem to go smoothly? You can't find your keys, the coffee pot is empty and so is the milk in the fridge, and then on top of it all you get stuck behind that one person who drives slow no matter what. It's enough to make anyone lose their patience! And you can feel yourself start going down that road. Frustration starts to build in the pit of your stomach. You notice yourself getting aggravated over little things and then, the drop makes the vase overflow and you lose it (generally over something insignificant and sometimes at someone who is only trying to do their job the best way they know how). I’ve been there. I think we’ve all been there at some point or another so as we head into this holiday season, I wanted to share five ways you can cultivate patience.

1) Practice Presence

Living in the moment and accepting that not everything will go exactly as planned is a great first step in weathering the storm of impatience. When patience is exercised one moment at a time, we can improve our overall ability to be patient over time. It can further be fostered by the practice of reminding ourselves that patience is an action word not an emotion. We are all human beings with emotions, but keeping our composure is something we do to keep our emotions in check for the greater good.

When you find yourself starting to become impatient, disconnect from the event or the person, if possible. First acknowledge your feelings then, find a quiet space and focus on your breath. The breath has the amazing power of being able to change your state in a few short minutes and help you feel more centered. So, go somewhere you won't be disturbed and take some deep belly breaths, in through the nose, activating the diaphragm and out through the mouth. If it helps, make a noise and release the tension that is starting to build as you breathe out.

Alternately, you can choose to go for a walk. I remember when my teenage step daughter (with all of her teenage emotions) was living with us, this was her go-to way of managing her emotions and calming herself down, so her emotions wouldn’t get out of control.

Both of these alternatives will help to dissipate the frustration and allow patience to enter the fray.

2) Be Mindful and Explore

Patience can be learned and you do that through experience over time. Having a mindfulness practice really helps to deal with frustration. When we practice being mindful on a daily basis, we are more centered, feel part of the greater universe and become more in tune with our body and the sensations we experience. When we know our body well, and can recognize our physical triggers, we can head off losing our patience at the pass because we have that heightened sense of self-awareness. 

In addition, when we’re feeling impatient, our mind tends to race ahead. We can find ourselves thinking about the future and what could go wrong. This only serves to aggravate the situation and breeds more impatience. The next time you find yourself in a moment of frustration, try to bring your attention back to the present.

Now would also be a good time to introspect. Why are you reacting that way? Is there something you are holding on to that is driving that reaction? Maybe something from your past that is generating those feelings for you? Being able to start to dig around the meaning behind the reaction will also help you to heal that part of you, so you no longer get triggered. So, while you are meditating, explore those situations, learn more about yourself and grow from there. This is not about judgment. It’s about getting to know yourself better. It’s about exploration. So remember to be kind to yourself.

3) Find a Patience Role Model

Do you know someone who is super patient? Someone who seems to seldom get rattled, who more often than not does not show frustration? How do they behave? What happens when they find themselves in a potentially frustrating situation? You have the opportunity to learn from them. I encourage you to sit with them and ask them how they do it. Sometimes it's good to get perspective from the outside, especially when it is something we have been struggling with for some time. It's like trying to iron out a wrinkle. Not easy, right? It can feel like we're at our wits end, like we've tried "everything". But have we really? There are a million ways people manage being frustrated. You just need to find what works for you! Don’t hesitate to reach out to others who embody the qualities you are looking to grow within yourself.

Here's another exercise for you: Imagine your best self, that is you, calm and collected, instead of “on the brink of losing it”. How would your calm self behave? Would you react or respond? How differently would you approach the situation? What would you do? Now that you have that mental image of you responding appropriately vs. reacting, imagine how that would feel. Is your heart still racing? Do you still have "murderous" thoughts? Is your stomach still in knots? In all likelihood, you feel more at peace and capable of making the right choices. Now imagine living that all the time.

4) Be Kind to Yourself

This one is huge! We are our own harshest critics, and we are often the ones who are the most impatient with ourselves. We put a lot of undue pressure on ourselves to be perfect and when we inevitably mess up, because perfection is nothing more than an illusion, we beat ourselves up. This only serves to frustrate us even more and can lead to self-loathing. The more patient we are with ourselves as we navigate through life's twists and turns, the easier patience becomes to us.

Learn to practice positive self-talk. Remind yourself of how far you've come. Make a list of the qualities you already embody and those you want to. Part of being a high achiever is having a vision for how we want to show up. Does showing up impatient and aggravated fit within that vision you have. If not, it's time to rethink it. There's no need to beat yourself up from the mistakes of the past, just resolve to do better. Know that you will fall back into your old habits as you grow and strengthen new ones and be OK with that. Accept it, keep “putting one foot in front of the other” and continue the journey

5) Set Boundaries 

This goes hand in hand with being kind to yourself. If you are feeling overwhelmed and patience is wearing thin, it can be a sign that it’s time to set some boundaries with the people in your life. This can be difficult, but it's important to remember that we cannot pour from an empty cup. We need to take care of ourselves first and foremost or else we cannot adequately take care of others.

With patience also comes a sense of ease and detachment. It is easy to mistake this for passivity, when in fact you are very much active in exhibiting patience. You also want to be careful that others don't take advantage of you because you're too "easy going". But you are not. You are simply choosing not to let things that used to bother you, bother anymore.

Final Words

Frustration increases your chance of making mistakes because you are reacting to the moment, in a given situation or as a result of someone’s behavior, rather than taking a step back to respond. Someone triggers you and you say something nasty. You can never take those words back. Or, you get cut off and it escalates into road rage and you feel the need to use your car as a battering ram. You can never undo the damage.

It's not easy to be patient, but it is definitely worth the effort. With practice, patience will become easier and you'll find yourself becoming less reactive and more responsive in situations that used to rattle you. And that, my friends, is a beautiful thing! So, isn't it time you were no longer a slave to your emotions and started practicing patience over frustration? What are some tools you use to show up from a place of centeredness and patience? Won't you share with everyone so we can learn from each other?