Dare to Dream Again: How Curiosity and Courage Can Transform Your Life After Divorce

When my divorce went through, I had just a month before I was leaving for France to spend the holidays with my family. I didn't have much time to think about where I was, but I do remember standing in the middle of your new living room thinking, "Now What…?"

At the same time, I was excited about my new future. And I had a decision to make. Did I want to play it safe, or did I want to have big, bold adventures that stretched me? I instinctively knew that if I played small, I was going to get stuck, and after feeling stuck for the last 5 years, that was the last thing I wanted. 

So, I opted for going big and going all in to redefine who I wanted to be and how I wanted to show up for myself. It was time to get curious, take risks, and push outside of my comfort zone. Diving into personal development was one part of my journey, and I'd love to share what I learned with you.

Why Curiosity?

If you're like me, you invested in your marriage to the point where you lost yourself. I didn't know what I wanted when I left, but I knew exactly what I didn't want. So getting curious about what I wanted my future life to look like, who I wanted to grow into, and the type of man I wanted to invite in my new life was a natural way to go.

And you can do that in so many different ways. You can explore various aspects of yourself. What do you love to do? What do you want? What hobbies and passions did you set aside that you have room for now?

If you're not sure, you can start thinking and dreaming about what your ideal future looks like and what goals you want to achieve. Along the way, you'll also be able to focus on your innermost desires. One of the things I discovered was that I didn't want "stuff." What I wanted were experiences.

Why Courage?

Courage helps you face uncertainty and fear. You may fear the new state of your finances, whether you're going to lose friends or fear the unknown. At the same time, You have a beautiful opportunity to craft your life exactly as you see it in your mind's eye. And that takes courage, the courage to do things differently or to move forward despite the fear of judgment, for example.

But it's OK to release that past, to let go of this previous version of yourself. Time to step into YOU 2.0! You can choose to live your life aligned with your values and who you are at your core, without pretense or masks. 

By doing things I hadn't done before, I stretched myself to believe I could do anything and be anyone. So, I went skydiving, hang gliding, and did some ziplining. All of which were super exciting! I never knew I had that in me! It doesn't mean you have to, but stretching beyond your comfort and doing things despite the fear will remind you that you are unstoppable! And with courage, you can overcome fear and get the gifts on the other side.

Go Time!

So, how do you put this into action? I want to share 3 ideas with you:

1. Pretend you're a child: When we're kids, we approach everything with curiosity and no fear! How often have you seen kids jump off things just because they wonder if they can do it and have no fear? That's the right mindset! I'm not suggesting you go and do things where you hurt yourself, but there is value in the innocence of being curious. So let go of expectations and have some fun!
2. Don't do it all at once: It's OK, and let's be honest, at our age, it's probably advisable to start small. What can you incorporate into your daily life to help you develop your courage muscle? How about talking to the person in line behind you at the grocery store,  going to a meetup with people who like the same things you like, or joining a volunteer organization to focus on the good you can do in your community? All are great ways to start small.
3. Get the right support system: It's essential to be well surrounded in these difficult times, whether with family, friends, or community. In addition, I found there were five different relationships that were important to have in my life. How many do you have?

1. A mentor to guide me and counsel me, especially as it came to my career
2. A coach to helps me think about things I never thought made space for
3. A challenger who sees and loves me for who I am but calls me on my BS
4. A confidant whom I can "empty my bag" with (as we say in French) and who will listen without judgment
5. Someone I can be silly with and caution be damned!

Final Words

Now that you are in a different and new place in your life, it's time to spread your wings. Being curious is the spark that gets you dreaming, while courage is all about the actions you will take. Together, they are a powerful combination of redefining you and your dream life.

If you're coming out of a divorce and are looking for a supportive community, I invite you to join my FB group, "Brave New You." We'd love to have you!