From Lost to Lit Up: A Guide to Rediscovering Your Joy and Hobbies

What would you do if you had one hour every day just for yourself, with no obligations, no worries, and no one to please? Sometimes, it's easy to get swallowed up by a relationship and forget your needs and passions are important, too. That's what happened to me, and when I found myself single again, I was a bit lost; I had invested so much time into my ex-husband's passions that I forgot to pay attention to mine! I had to rediscover what I loved, especially now that I had the time and bandwidth to do what I wanted to do!

But first, I had to figure out what those were, and I ensured the time was booked on my calendar. One of the things I learned as a coach is that your calendar is a hidden asset. You can see it as something that constricts or frees you. I used it to ensure the things that mattered got done first.

So, back to figuring out what I wanted to do! I took some time to think about what brought me joy. What did I love to do now? Could I do more of those things? One thing that brings me immense joy is good food. I didn't want the fact that I was alone to stop me from enjoying myself. So, I'd take myself out on solo dates. Every Friday night was MY night. It was a non-negotiable.

I'd bring a good book and either sit at the bar if I felt talkative or at a table if I didn't. I'd order a drink and sip it while reading my book. I took my time with dinner. I'd sometimes be there for more than 2 hours, and I loved every minute of it! Since I had my favorite restaurants, people got to know me. They would stop and chit-chat, making the experience more enjoyable. I also went to the movies alone. How freeing! I didn't have to negotiate! I could go see whatever I wanted!

Another was dancing. How could I go out dancing by myself? It felt weird and uncomfortable, not to mention unsafe. The best strategy I found around that was to join meetup groups. This benefited me in two ways: 1. I got to do what I loved, and 2. I got to do them with other people who also loved to do the same thing! It was so lovely to spend time with others who enjoyed themselves doing what I enjoyed doing, too! Back to dancing, I seldom (read never) went dancing with my ex because he didn't find it fun, and he had two left feet. Since I seldom went out with my girls, this was one of the first things I brought back into my life because it gave me so much joy! 

I also wanted to bring more adventure into my life. I felt that the last few years were so uninspiring that I needed an adrenaline boost. I went skydiving, hang gliding, and zip lining. I can't even begin to tell you how good doing those things was for me. My confidence went through the roof, and I got to check things off my bucket list! I'm not suggesting you jump out of an airplane. What I am saying is that there is a lot out there to be explored.

Here are a couple of ways you can rediscover YOUR passions

Journaling - I was always an inconsistent journaler. But if this is your thing, you're likely doing it already. It may be time to go back to some old entries and read about what you used to do! That could spark some excitement and help you get some quick wins by immediately making the old new again! Consider it a "Passion Test." Does it still float your boat? If it doesn't, you're not committed. You can always move on to something else!

Learn to listen to your body - When you think about how you feel when you think about doing different activities, what is your body telling you? Do you feel the pull of the excitement in your gut, or do you feel there is resistance? There's no need to question it. You can just accept it and move on to something else. If you lean into the resistance and still want to try it, no harm done! Then, you'll know for sure.

And, here are some questions that can help you to get some focus

1. Do you consider yourself a creative? Do you enjoy writing, crafting, gardening, painting?
2. Do you like to be out in nature, hiking, walking, or water sports? Or do you find yourself more attracted to mindful practices?
3. How about music? Is there an instrument you haven't played in a while? Is now a good time to pick it up? If not, how about listening to music? Do you enjoy concerts or going to the bar to listen to local bands?
4. Do you like to cook? Do you like experimenting to see what concoctions you can create and then sharing those with your friends?
5. Have you ever felt the pull to give back to your community? Is now the right time to join your Local Rotary Club? This is also a great way to meet new people in a safe environment
6. Love reading? Have you considered joining a book club?

There are so many options out there; I hope you find the ones that suit you best so you can enjoy your great big life!