From Coffee Dates to Forever Love: How I Dove Back into Dating
The mere thought of going back to dating today is enough to keep me celibate for the rest of my life. But I couldn’t wait to dive back in when my divorce went through. I reflected on my 10 years of marriage and saw everything I missed out on because we had been so busy working and building a business. I felt it was time to have fun, not only in rediscovering myself and my passions, but I was also curious to see who the Universe would bring me. And I wasn’t disappointed!
How did I know I was ready?
When alone, I did a lot of introspection and learned a ton about myself. I also dove into relationship and communication books like there was no tomorrow. I understood what I had done wrong and wanted to ensure I wouldn’t repeat the same mistakes. I looked at the patterns I played over and over again that didn’t serve me and looked for ways to show up in a healthier way.
I also knew the time was right because I wasn’t angry with my ex anymore and was excited about meeting new people and seeing what the world had to offer. I felt drawn to explore, and I wasn’t doing it because I thought I “should” do it.
One of the reasons I believe we got divorced was because I had no boundaries. My life became his. We did all of the things that he wanted to do. Somehow, I felt like speaking up for myself was undesirable. His needs were more important, and that was a relationship killer. And I lost myself. Having clear boundaries and learning to communicate them effectively was a must in any future relationship. I finally understood that a healthy dynamic for a relationship is what we both contribute. Nobody wants to be with a mini-me. And if they do, I’d say that’s a red flag.
So, I started going out with my girlfriend, who had also been through a divorce. She was my wing-woman, and I was hers. It didn’t mean we were attached at the hip. We could be somewhere together talking with different guys, but knowing she was in the room with me made me feel safe and gave me confidence. I knew if I asked to leave at any moment, we would go. We were each other’s wing-woman. If you’ve never had one, I highly recommend it!
The more confident I became, the more I explored meeting guys on my own. I can’t tell you how many coffee dates I went on, and I don’t even like coffee that much! But coffee, in the middle of the afternoon, surrounded by other people, felt safe. It was also about as much of a commitment as I was willing to make.
I also tried the online thing, and that was fun in a different way at first because it felt like the ultimate safety. Snuggled behind the screen, in my PJs with no make-up, was appealing because it allowed me to dip my toes in slowly. Going out on a date, even a coffee date, can be nerve-wracking! This was the exact opposite. But it also didn’t go anywhere!
As I went on these dates, I learned from my personal development community about the power of a relationship vision. I’d never heard of such a thing! But I thought, “What the heck! I’ve got nothing to lose.” So, I got crystal clear about the type of partner I wanted and wrote him a letter describing our life together. And, believe me or not, the universe delivered precisely the man I described in my letter. I met him a year after my divorce was final and we’ve been together longer than we were married to our previous spouses!
If you are ready to enter the dating world and haven’t done a relationship vision, you are missing out! It helps you to get clear about what you want, AND by becoming crystal clear, you put a different energy out in the Universe. It wants to give you what you desire! You become a magnet for the very thing you want. I’m not saying it’ll happen overnight. But it will happen. And I want to help you with that. I’ve created a worksheet that gives you the steps to follow for creating your own relationship vision. All you have to do is download it by clicking here: https://tinyurl.com/RelationshipVisionWorksheet
I’ll leave you with a story about a friend. She’d dated here and there and had just about given up. I told her to write exactly what she wanted. She later went to a psychic who told her the same thing. She dismissed us both. But the thought stayed with her. One day, she was sitting in a coffee shop and, out of nowhere, grabbed a napkin and wrote out what she wanted in a man physically, emotionally, and mentally and how she wanted to feel. She wrote it all. Then, feeling silly, she threw it away in the bin. Just a few weeks later, she met her now husband.
So, you may be skeptical, but if you’re ready to get back out there, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!
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