Why YOU Must Be Your #1 Goal After Divorce
This is the time of the year when we all set goals. No doubt you've been hearing a lot about how to do that and probably as much as about how not to set goals. The objective is always the same. We set goals to grow, advance, and succeed. Once we're clear, we strive to meet and exceed them so that we may keep moving forward to outstanding achievements in our lives.
But here's the thing: you may also be in a place where your divorce is still too raw, and you can't fathom making any goals besides surviving each day without losing your isht…
I heard in a podcast recently that in any given lifetime, the average person will experience 40 "moments" of grief. It runs the gamut from moving to losing friendships, divorce, and death. Anytime we lose something dear to us, we go through a period of grieving. Although the intensity varies depending on the circumstance, all these require healing.
So, your number one goal and priority right now is to get yourself in the best place emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. That should be the only goal on your list. You need to put your well-being, your grief, and your healing first and foremost. And for some, that is not easy. It's not easy because you're not used to prioritizing yourself; you've always put others first, have little ones to care for, need to excel in your job and so many more.
A friend of mine went through a divorce recently, and she was hurt. She was angry. But she also refused to give away her power. She chose to deal with the anger and the hurt so she could move on and be the best single Mom to her kids, continue excelling in her career, and create a new life for herself that attracted a wonderful new man.
Now it's your time to choose: 1) you can use all of your reasons why you can't put your healing first, or 2) you can believe these reasons are precisely why you should.
So what can you do?
In his book Letting Go, David R. Hawkins invites us to let go of the pain and the hurt. How do you do that? By allowing yourself to experience it. Does suck? You bet! But by allowing yourself to experience it, you take away its power. I'm sure you've been heartbroken before, so much so that you cried your eyes out. And I mean like ugly crying. Did you not feel better when it was over? It allowed you to feel "normal" for a while. And then maybe nostalgia would hit again, and you'd cry again, but this time it was less intense. And again, also less intense. That's the process of letting go. You feel it until it no longer has a hold over you, and one day, the clouds part, and you move on.
As I mentioned earlier, I know putting yourself first isn't always easy, so I would like to offer you three ideas to help as you walk this journey:
- Every day, do one thing that makes you feel good, one thing that says, "I'm taking care of myself today."
- Don't hesitate to journal your thoughts, that is also a way of letting go. If you can get them out of your head and reflect on them, you can begin to recognize patterns and gently explore your role in the dynamics. That is where the gold is! That is where you get to change how you show up, so you lay a strong foundation for future relationships.
- I invite you to join my FB group, Brave New You, so you can be part of a community and not go it alone.
Final Words
You can choose to feed your pain, wallow in it, and use it as a weapon. Or, you can choose to acknowledge the loss and the pain and heal. Both involve pain, but only one leads to freedom, new love, and a fulfilling, empowering future. Which one will you choose?
And, if you're ready to do the work, I invite you to join my new beta program, Rediscover Your Spark & Reclaim Your Life. You can get more information here.
Stay connected with news and updates!
Join our mailing list to receive the latest news and updates from our team.
Don't worry, your information will not be shared.
We hate SPAM. We will never sell your information, for any reason.