9 Ways to Safeguard Your Peace of Mind

When I was younger, I used to get hijacked by my emotions all the time! For example, if I was driving down the road and someone cut me off, I took it as a personal affront, and I would blow up, turn red, and use my hands in creative ways besides holding the steering wheel. Over the years, I learned that having “buttons" didn't mean I had to allow people to push them. That’s when I started to have more peace in my life. And sometimes, it wasn't even others pushing my buttons. It was me, reacting to other people's behaviors. For example, I remember an old colleague's effect on me. Every time I heard her name or I had to interact with her, I'd roll my eyes internally. That simple act robbed me of my peace until I learned to let it go.

This is why I love the concept of self-awareness. When we become aware of our thoughts and how they serve us (or not), we stop operating on emotional autopilot. We no longer react to situations without understanding and as if we had no control over our reactions. With this self-awareness comes the possibility of becoming more emotionally agile. How do we do that? By choosing how we respond to our emotional warning system.

Emotions Aren't Bad

One key thing to note is that emotions are not bad. They just are. When we experience a negative feeling, it signals that something is wrong or that we need to pay attention to and deal with something. So the idea is not to bury that negative emotion and ignore it, but instead to shine a light on it so it loses its power, and we can move on.

When we don't master our minds, letting other people steal our peace is easy. So, how does that show up? Maybe some of these will resonate with you…

• Maybe you tend to take things personally. 
• When you lose your cool at one person, you carry that throughout the day to the point where it impacts other interactions.
• You’re getting ready for Thanksgiving dinner and know "Uncle Joe” will be there. Do you bristle at what might come out of his mouth this year and get apprehensive about attending?
• You watch the news, and all of the negativity puts you in a funk you just can't get out of
• Other people's lack of common sense triggers judgment and dismissal
• Are you jealous of other people's success?
• You live your life in victim mode and feel the world is out to get you.

Whatever the case, it's essential not to let other people steal your peace. With more emotional agility and control over yourself, these situations can be like water off a duck's back.

What to Remember to Fiercely Safeguard Your Peace

1. Allowing your emotions to get the best of you is a learned behavior
   I learned by watching how my family responded to the world around them. I saw them get mad when things didn't go their way rather than staying calm and collected. If you learned it, you can unlearn it and decide what a more constructive way of responding is, especially when you are aware of the situations where you tend to lose your cool
   
   
2. Dig into why you're getting triggered
   What are the things that tend to set you off? Once you know your triggers, you can try to avoid them or at least be prepared for them. Did something happen in the past that needs resolution? Did you craft a story around it that is impacting how you react? The idea is to move from reaction mode to response mode. When we've learned to respond to triggering situations, we've essentially taken emotions "out of the equation.” We can remain calm and communicate effectively. But it takes practice!
   
   
3. Recognize what in the other person is triggering you
   Sometimes, we get triggered by aspects of our personality that we recognize in other people. For example, I get highjacked when I see someone judging other people over their weight. Guess what...? I do that too... with MYSELF! If I judge myself harshly (something I am actively working on), it's easier for me to judge others. By becoming aware and changing the behavior, I can change old neural pathways and establish new ones that will serve me instead of hurt me.
   
   
4. When you lose your isht, you give away your power
   If you can't control your emotions in difficult or uneasy situations, then other people can do what they want with you. You are easily manipulated and little more than a puppet.
   
   
5. When you are not strong in your convictions, it's not easy to stand firm
   Get crystal clear on what you will and will not accept, what has value to you or your walk away point. At the same time, you need to be flexible and have realistic expectations. Don't expect people to always act as you want them to or agree with you. Everyone is different, and that's okay.
   
   
6. Don't take things personally
   People see you and view what is happening in your life through the lens of THEIR life. So, instead of reacting negatively, assume that people are coming at you with the best intentions and understand that their opinion is just that; an opinion. It is not fact. They are entitled to their opinion; it doesn't mean you have to accept it. You can respectfully listen and let it go. How they react to that is none of your concern.
   
   
7. Take your buttons off the table
   Deal with your triggers. When people know your buttons, it's easy for them to push them. But the key is this... You know your buttons, too, and you can choose to take them off the table by making peace with them and addressing unresolved issues.
   
   
8. Put some distance between or establish boundaries with some people
   As you heal and work on yourself, it's a good idea to allow some time to pass between encounters. It doesn't mean you write people off, but if you know that certain situations or people get the best of your emotions, distance yourself from them. Maybe you can have a phone call instead of seeing them face to face. Or until you heal yourself, draw a line in the sand and cocoon.
   
   
9. Don’t try to please everyone
   How often have you taken on a project or agreed to do something for someone out of a sense of obligation rather than because you wanted to do it? When I've done that in the past, it left me feeling depleted and resentful.

Final Thoughts

If you follow these tips, you'll be well on your way to not letting other people steal your peace. Remember that it's up to you to protect your peace of mind and take care of yourself. Don't let anyone else control your happiness.

And if you're ready for someone to help you grow into a stronger, more emotionally agile human, let me know. I'd love to see if I can support you on this journey!