Rebuilding Financial Confidence: Navigating Money Stress After Divorce

Isn’t it ironic how the one thing that once symbolized security—my marriage—turned into the very source of my financial anxiety? I always believed my money was under control until divorce threw a wrench in the equation. And it turns out I’m not the only one!

I have spoken to many women who have gone through a divorce, and the number one source of anxiety post-divorce is finances. Some were stay-at-home moms, and others were primary breadwinners, but all mentioned finances as a source of stress. I feel the primary reasons for that are the loss of certainty, security, and control.

Today, I wanted to share some of my money story around my divorce. I hope it serves as inspiration.

I’d always been good with my money. I also wanted to make sure I was never in a position of weakness. If I bought something, I wanted to buy it outright, save for the bigger ticket items, like a house or a car. When I met my ex-husband, he was working full-time, and we agreed on who paid what bills so it would be equitable, and neither was shouldering too much of the responsibility. 

After we were married, he went into business for himself, and I discovered we had drastically different points of view about money. Being raised in France, my parents taught me to make do with what I had. If I couldn’t afford something outright, I simply didn’t buy it. Only when I moved to America was I introduced to the concept of credit cards. And I could never understand why he felt the need to lease a new car every 2 years when I ran my cars into the ground. He relied a lot on credit cards. I saved and used them only for emergencies and paid them off as soon as possible. 

And when we divorced, I ended up with the short end of the stick. Why? Because he was building a business and was always in the red, and I had a high-paying job in sales. What the judge saw financially was a very inequitable situation and ruled accordingly. The one thing I did right was to ensure he couldn’t re-negotiate our agreement. That protected me long-term.

But, my financial obligations forced me to change how I spent my money, as I ended up with all the credit card debt and had to pay alimony to boot. As I thought through my financial situation, these were the things that were important to me:

1. Make sure I followed through on my new financial commitments
2. Free myself from credit card debt as quickly as possible
3. Continue with my level of contribution to my 401K
4. Don’t forget to have fun

So, I set some financial goals, and the top two priorities were paying my alimony on time and getting out of debt.

As much as I disliked it, ensuring that alimony was paid monthly gave me peace of mind. It also taught me I could live on much less than what I made. When push came to shove, I found ways to cut down on my spending in the negotiables. 

The one thing I was unwilling to compromise on was my contribution to my 401K because of my company’s match policy. So I knew I had to make do with whatever was available, without relying on credit cards, because I felt if I started going down that route, it would be hard to dig myself out.

Freeing myself of credit card debt was next. Carrying this debt was like having a ball and chain around my ankle. I couldn’t do the things I wanted; I couldn’t feel entirely free until that was done. I also knew that the sooner I got rid of the debt, the more I could travel.

Once I was clear on those two things and knew the monthly cost of my freedom, I had a clear path to rebuild my budget. 

I focused on the “must” expenses like rent, electricity, food, etc… and paying down the credit card debt. I would send in double the monthly minimum payment, and I didn’t have a car payment, which made things easier. Once I knew what the musts were, I could relax a bit and still have some money left over for fun. 

Here are all the categories that made up my budget: Alimony, Debt Repayment, Rent, Utilities, Food, Health & Personal Care, and Personal Development. The rest was as needed, but these were my must-haves. 

There are two things I wish I would have done differently.

First, I would have educated myself about Personal Finance and Investing sooner. I was always too fearful of making mistakes, so I played things safe. But I was at an age when I could take risks. I didn’t trust myself to do that.

Related to my personal finance education was talking to a financial advisor. Someone who could check things over to ensure I was on the right track and make suggestions for managing my money better. I would recommend this to anyone who finds themselves in a new situation financially.

I have since started working on both, which makes me feel more in control of my financial future. And that feels awesome!