Life After Divorce: A Simple Exercise to Reclaim Balance and Joy in Your New Chapter
Are you living your life or simply going through the motions? For years, I was in a constant loop—work, support my partner, run errands, collapse. Then, life forced me to start over. And I realized I’d never really thought about what I wanted my life to look like. When was the last time you evaluated your life objectively? When I was married, my weekday life consisted of a 1h15m commute each way, a solid 10-hour work week on a good week, coming home, chores, dinner, collapsing, and doing it again the next day. My weekend life revolved around working at my husband’s business all day on Saturday and sometimes on Sunday. And when I wasn’t working on Sunday, it was time to clean, and work around the house. I don’t have to tell you I was exhausted and frustrated and often wondered if that was all there was to life.
Since discovering personal development, I’m much more aware of the different aspects of my life and how off-balance things can feel when even one of those areas is not getting the attention it needs. And when I talk about the different aspects of life, I mean the following: Career, Finances, Health, Friends & Family, Love/Partner, Personal Growth, Home Environment, and Fun & Leisure.
Here's the Wheel of Life, so you know what I'm referring to:
But you’re not locked into these categories. You can play around with them so it makes more sense to you. For example, you might want to split Health into physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual. You could also add other categories, such as security, service, or community. And since you're likely divorce, you can change Love/Partner for your own Self-Love.
This exercise raises your awareness and allows you to plan a life that is more satisfying and closer to your definition of balance. It also helps clarify priorities for goal-setting. Now that you have a whole new life ahead of you, it is a perfect time to run this assessment. Remember, balance is personal and unique to each individual—so do what feels right.
For me, Personal Growth wasn’t even on my radar. And, based on the schedule above, Fun & Leisure could have used a serious boost. I was mainly focused on my Career and Partner. The rest played second fiddle. When I divorced and discovered all these dimensions, I made a concerted effort to bring as much balance to my life as possible. I can imagine that if you have children, the need for balance must be even more important because not only can you lose yourself in your partner, but being a Mom is, in itself, a full-time job. Props to you, Moms! I don’t know how you do it!
How do you use the Wheel of Life exercise?
It’s super simple.
Your goal is to score yourself on a scale of 1-10, 1 being 1 - I am completely dissatisfied and 10 - completely satisfied with this area of my life. Draw a line between each of your numbers and you’ll get a spider plot. This will help you visualize your areas of strength and those where you might want to give more focus.
Now you can start reflecting:
- Any surprises?
- Does this wheel feel good as it is, or are there things I want to change?
Now that you have this baseline, the next step is to choose where you want to focus. So, ask yourself: “Which of these categories would I most like to improve? You can choose just one and up to 3. I would not recommend choosing more than that because that might lead you to “steal from” the areas of your life where you are strong.
When you know your three max, decide what score feels like a score showing you are making progress. If you scored a 2 in one area, aim for a 4 or 5. Even moving 1 point is already a step in the right direction. Shooting for a 10 might feel overwhelming and defeatist.
Other questions:
- How do I spend time in the areas of concern today? How would I like to spend time there?
- How could I make space for these changes in my life?
- What help and support might I need from others to make changes and be more satisfied with my life?
- What change should I make first? And what change do I want to make first?
Once you have that clarity, it’s time for action!! Start by asking, “If there were one key action you could take that would begin to bring everything into balance, what would it be?”
You can also identify one action for each area and then pick 1-3 actions to get started, or you could choose one action for each of the areas selected. It’s entirely up to you! You’re driving this boat!
One last thing: Balance should be assessed over time. A regular check-in (e.g., with this exercise) can highlight patterns and help you learn even more about yourself. I recommend doing it every quarter.
Have fun!
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