7 Tactics to Tame Negative Thoughts

“A man is but the product of his thoughts. What he thinks, he becomes” - Mahatma Gandhi

If thoughts create feelings, feelings drive behaviors, and behaviors determine outcomes then, isn't it time to pay attention to your thoughts? We have thoughts all the time; thoughts that we are aware of and thoughts that we are not aware of.

In order to live a fulfilling life, we must be aware that thoughts create our feelings which lead us into behaviors that can be either destructive or rewarding. In this blog post, we will explore how thoughts create feelings and how cultivating the right thoughts can help you live to the fullest.

Many also operate by their most basic of instincts: Protection. They want to protect themselves from whatever may come their way. This is normal. It's humans' natural fight or flight mode and for us to get the most out of life, we need to operate at a different level. We can't eliminate all of our negative thoughts and everyone has rough patches and bad days. However, we can replace those overly pessimistic thoughts with more realistic expectations. That enables us to stay on course and equip ourselves to manage the bad days. We are so much bigger than our fearful thoughts!

Leading with Feeling vs. Leading with Thought 

Feeling -> Action -> Result -> Thought

Most people approach their life feelings first. Their feelings determine what action they will take. That action provides some type of result, which in turn, determines their thoughts. That's like putting the cart before the horse! As Dan Millman said "you don't have to control your thoughts. You just have to stop them from controlling you". So it's up to you to manage your thoughts. You are in charge, in command, in control and very capable, so decide how you want to feel. Keeping those feelings positive will encourage an action which will likely provide a positive result.

Thought -> Feeling -> Action -> Result

The key to living a fulfilling life is learning how thoughts can lead you down an empowering path and away from destructive thoughts that only keep you stuck in the same place. For example, I didn't want to get up and go get my butt kicked at the gym this morning. I simply didn't feel like it (Feeling). I could have let my feelings drive my actions and stayed snug as a bug in a rug and not worked out (Action and lack thereof). That would have led me to regret not exercising all day (Result). Negative thoughts of worthlessness, lack of discipline, beating myself up for letting myself down again would have run rampant in my mind all day (Thoughts). Ask me how I know...

Instead, I envisioned myself finishing my workout (Thought), knowing I would be whooped, but proud (Feeling). That led me to get out of bed, drive to the gym and give everything I had (Action). Now, my brain is thanking me for doing it. Tomorrow the scale will confirm it was the right decision (Result).

So remember, positive thoughts are not enough. We have to take positive action.

The link between Dementia and chronic negative thoughts

While there are many reason why we should keep our thoughts positive, one hits particularly close to home. There seems to be a correlation between Repetitive Negative Thoughts and dementia. According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services, "having persistent thoughts and memories you can't get out of your head," is one early warning sign of mental health problems. For adults older than 55, repetitive negative thoughts may also increase the risk of dementia and Alzheimer's disease, a recent study finds¹. While further studies have to be done, it is yet another piece of information in support of Thought Management. Strive to develop a realistic yet optimistic inner monologue as a way to maintain your mental health.

7 strategies to reframe negative thoughts

1 - Give that negative voice a name

We all have that negative little voice inside of us. What do you call it? My “Negative Nelly”’s name is Becky.

When Becky starts piping up, I follow the wise words of Kerwin Rae. I engage in a dialog with her and it goes something like this: "I can hear you. I know what you're trying to do (protection). You are not me. I'm not playing this game anymore (make it fun). Thank you." Engaging with your negative thoughts in a positive and collaborative way is much healthier and productive than simply telling yourself to shut it. Noone wants to hear that. By giving it a name and having that "conversation", we acknowledge what our ego is trying to do, we can disengage and reduce the amount of conflict within ourselves.

2 - Work backwards

Use your goals to master your thoughts and emotions and ask yourself every day: Do my thoughts, behaviors and feelings fit my life goals? The human desire to growth and achieve is a powerful motivator.  So if you have a specific goal, work backwards. Start with the outcome in mind. What do you want to achieve? Define what the behaviors are that you need to embody in order to make that happen and finally, define what thoughts you need to have to generate the feelings that will create your desired outcome.

3 - Address the ANTs (Automatic Negative Thoughts)

As one of my mentors, Dr. Amen, says “You don’t have to believe every stupid thing you think!”

Our thoughts are just that, thoughts. It's the meaning that we assign to them that can send us in a tailspin. He suggest using the following 5 questions to start reframing negative thoughts:

1. Is it true? Is the thought I am having true?
2. Is it absolutely true? Is it true beyond a shadow of a doubt?
3. How do you feel when you have this thought? What emotions come up as you think this thought?
4. Who would you be without that thought? Gets you to start thinking about positive outcomes
5. Turn the thought around to its opposite. Is the opposite true or even truer than the original thought?

Let's work through “I am a failure” as an example

1. Is it true? Yes. I have failed at some things
2. Is it absolutely true? No. There are many things I have succeeded in
3. How do you feel when you have this thought? Worthless and frustrated
4. Who would you be without that thought? Capable, empowered, optimistic, happier
5. Turn the thought around to its opposite. Is the opposite true or even truer than the original thought? I am successful and I make a difference to others in my life

4 - Good nutrition leads to good thoughts

In order to function properly, our brain, like our body, needs proper nutrition. This is definitely a  case of garbage in, garbage out. Imagine putting Diesel in a Lamborghini’s gas tank (It’s hard to picture, I get it). In essence, when we eat high fat, high sugar, highly processed foods that's exactly what we do! The result is high inflammation in our brain (AKA brain fog) and our body.

Although our brain needs fat to function properly, not all fats were created equal and it needs the right fats. The more whole, unprocessed food we can eat, the happier our brain is, the better we think and the better decisions we can make. I highly recommend reading Grain Brain by Dr. Perlmutter and Genius Foods by Max Lugavere. These books have drastically changed my approach to nutrition.

5 - Train your mind

Norman Vincent Peale is credited for saying “change your thoughts and you can change your world”. Imagine starting your day telling yourself what a great day it’s going to be. Give yourself something to look forward to.

How different is that day going to be from those that start out reaffirming how tired you are, how you don’t feel like going to work, how you’re not looking forward to “whatever”? It automatically puts you in a positive mindset that is more ready to accept good things coming to you that day and tackle challenges.

6 - Journal

Ending the day gathering your thoughts and putting them on paper is like taking out the garbage. You remove those thoughts, capture them so you can either deal with them on the spot (think reframe) or you can do so in your weekly assessment. It is also a great time to plan you next day, so you don’t ruminate on those things during the night.

7 - Focus on the solution, not the problem 

People will invariably face negative situations which are out of their control and they have a choice: focus on the problem, which generates never ending loops of negative, counter productive thoughts OR focus on the solution. Here is the difference:

On the problem 

• Negative, victim-like thoughts 
• Past-oriented 
• Cannot change what has already happened 
• Body feels constricted, heavy, closed off 

On the solution

• Positive, empowering thoughts
• Future-focused
• Open to options, opportunities and solutions
• Body feels open and expansive

Which of these two approaches feels better?

If not for yourself, do it for others

Have you ever come home from a particularly crappy day at work and taken out your frustrations on your partner/kids? If you have, it could be because you were carrying all of those frustrating, defeatist thoughts from one “place” to another. You owe it to yourself and others to close the door on one thing before engaging in another.

Anytime you are in a moment of transition, take a breath, see if your body is holding on to any emotion, make sure you’re not dealing with whatever happened prior, commit to dealing with any negative thoughts at a more appropriate time and be intentional about how you want to show up in your next interactions. It will do wonders to safeguard your relationships.

Final Words

The thoughts you focus on are ultimately your choice. What thoughts are you holding on to that are creating negative feelings? What behaviors does this lead you to? How does this affect your life in general? Life is hard enough as it is, with all of its challenges, difficulties and obstacles.

Let’s use our thoughts to our advantage and become our own best ally to excel in this game of life. To close, I want to leave you with a quote which I love: “Your worst enemy cannot harm you as much as your own unguarded thoughts” - Buddha

_{¹ https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/dementia-risk-repetitive-negative-thoughts}