9 Habits to Gain Confidence

Self-confidence doesn’t always come easy, especially in this day and age. Trolls are everywhere and we are constantly bombarded with messages that tear down our self-esteem and tell us we're not good enough. But the truth of the matter is you are enough! You just need some more practice believing in yourself or at least start being your own friend.

About 15 years ago, I had a manager who used to double check everything I did. He would sometimes be copied on messages addressed to me and would then proceed to tell me what to do. I felt like I had no freedom to think or act independently. In the beginning, I tried not to let it get to me. I thought he was trying to be helpful and that he would let up when he saw I was more than capable of doing the job. But that didn’t happen. I felt like he was constantly sitting on my shoulder, observing and criticizing what I did. After a while, I realized that I became paralyzed. I couldn't make a move without checking with him if it was OK. My confidence was gone and replaced by self-doubt and self-criticism. It was not until I joined a new company that I realized the extent to which this affected me. In my new job, where people trusted me, I finally felt free and my confidence went through the roof!

In this blog post, we will talk about 9 ways of building your confidence so you can succeed at life and feel better about who you are as a person. I learned some of these techniques because of the above experience and others, I’ve picked up along my growth journey. Here we go!

1. Take care of your physical, mental and emotional well-being

Feeling good in your mind and body will help improve your self-confidence. I’ve covered these topics in previous blogs, so here is just a quick reminder:

1. Get 7-9 hrs of sleep every night
2. Eat foods that are good for your body and your brain
3. Move your butt!
4. Drink 1/2 your body weight in ounces per day
5. Add a 10-15 minute meditation to your day
6. Remember to have some fun!
7. Recharge your batteries
8. Reconnect with friends
9. Make journaling a habit
10. Stop doing things you don't want to do

If you want more details on physical well being, click here and here for mental/emotional wellbeing. 

2. Make a list of what you love/like about yourself

When our confidence is low, it's easy to get stuck in the rut of rumination. We have a thought that sticks and we keep thinking about it over and over again, sometimes forgetting what makes us great. Have an affirmation list ready before your thoughts spiral out of control!

Pick a day when you're feeling particularly good about yourself and ask yourself these questions:

1. What do I like about myself? My sense of humor, my eyes, the way I can make others laugh, etc…
2. What am I good at? Making other people feel at ease, making people laugh, being organized, etc…

You may not get a complete list in one sitting, so keep thinking it over and add to it as new things come to mind.

If you are having a hard time coming up with a list, ask your friends for help. Reach out to them and ask them the exact same questions. Ask them what they admire about you. You’ll see yourself through a completely different set of eyes. Finally, accept what they say graciously, even if you don’t see it for yourself.

Don’t be shy! Make a great big list! It will help you get through the days you’re not feeling so confident! I'll start it for you. “I’m awesome because…” Now, fill in the rest!

3. Don't compare yourself to others

No-one has walked your path. No-one is in your head. You can’t compare your dark days with someone else’s “magazine-cover” life. I believe wholeheartedly that we are exactly where we need to be at any given moment and that everything happens exactly the way it is supposed to happen.

If you want to compare yourself, compare your processes and systems to theirs. How did they get where they are? Who did they have to become to achieve these results? What habits did they put in place to help them be successful. This kind of comparison will help you see how you can make your own dreams can come true and give you the confidence you need to make them real!

4. Set challenging but achievable goals 

It’s easy to question ourselves when we have no focus. Humans thrive when they chase their goals and desires. As we reach milestones, achieve goals and overcome obstacles, we develop our self-confidence. The more we develop competence in a topic or activity, the more our confidence grows and that in turn adds to our competence. It’s called the competence/confidence loop and it is magical! Capture you learnings as you go and apply them to your life, so you can maximize your efficiency.

Measure yourself against your goals on a regular basis. Some techniques can include:

• Writing your monthly goals on a daily basis as a reminder of your targets
• Doing a weekly self-assessment to see how you’re progressing
• Re-adjusting as time goes by, so you can remain on track and motivated

5. Celebrate your successes!

It's time to stop dwelling on your failures and start celebrating your wins!

The average person spends more than half their day thinking about, replaying, or ruminating over mistakes they've made. That doesn't sound like a pleasant way of living life; it sounds exhausting! Unless we're talking about major accomplishments (which can be few and far between), most people rarely take the time to celebrate themselves for doing well at anything. People seldom celebrate losing 3 pounds instead of the 5 they were striving for, finishing a project early or cooking dinner for your significant other.

Take a minute to integrate those small wins. It doesn't have to be fireworks and a parade. Just sit with it, feel the feelings again and accept that you did well! Celebrating your successes helps boost self confidence.

6. Practice gratitude

This goes right along with celebrating our successes. Take some time in the morning to set yourself up for a great day, which may be as simple as saying to yourself “This is going to be a great day” before your feet hit the ground and you get out of bed.

In the evening, reflect on went well and what you are grateful for because it can help make tomorrow even better! And journaling helps us contemplate our lives so that we might learn from our mistakes and apply any insights to our future.

7. Show yourself some grace

When you miss a goal or make mistakes, be kind to yourself. Life will beat us up enough as it is without adding extra kicks from ourselves on the backside! Meditating or exercising are two great options for achieving some peace of mind. Or you might want to simply forgive yourself with no strings attached for mistakes because we all have those moments where we just get off track. Kicking yourself does nothing to boost your self-esteem and confidence, so why not try something different?

8. Surround yourself with positive people who support your dreams

Sometimes it can be hard to see what we're doing right in our lives. That's why having a support system is so important; they help remind us of the awesomeness that lies within and lift us up when we start feeling down on ourselves. Let them push back against your self-doubt, don't give into those negative thoughts about yourself!

We all need a little help from time to time - especially if things are going south for a while or until something good comes along again (even though usually this never happens). Make sure you always surround yourself with people who want nothing more than just one thing: To make sure you feel better about life and who appreciate how awesome YOU ARE!!!!

9. Practice saying positive affirmations every day

There are two schools of thought on affirmations. One that says, if you have to “fake it ’til you make it”, and you don’t genuinely feel the words, then it won’t work. I believe that we have to get used to saying nice things to ourselves and there is no better way than through affirmations.

Try this on for size: There are many affirmations available online. Got through them and pick the wording that resonates with you most. Add those to your Awesome List. Then pick a nice piece of music, turn it on in the background and then record yourself reading the affirmations. Then listen to them on a daily basis and watch your confidence grow!

Final Words

There are many ways you can learn to build your confidence. It all starts by taking care of your physical, mental and emotional well-being. It also includes setting challenging but achievable goals and celebrating your successes along the way. Taking a moment to show yourself some grace will help too because it's so easy to feel like we are never good enough or that what we have done isn't worth anything. By surrounding ourselves with positive people who support our dreams and saying positive affirmations every day, there really is no limit on how much confidence can grow inside us! Share in the comments below what has helped you stay confident this week :)